Not a one-trick pony!

Hello, All!
Tonight we had our very first childbirth class at the hospital...the Army hospital where our little squirmy will make his entrance into this world. (This post contains the word "cervix" and "uterus"--if you're squeamish: TURN BACK NOW!)

The major theme of tonight's class was, of course, the female reproductive system, and how it not only cradles and nurtures babies, but how it sends them forth (not a one trick pony after all!). It was tonight, for the very first time, that someone compared my uterus (all uteri, really) to a turtleneck sweater. That's right, ladies and gents! Not only does my reproductive system have full baby-growing capabilities, it also feels right at home in a winter wardrobe. I think the analogy was a memorable one, but I don't know that it explains the birth process--of course I can't give you the hand gestures that accompanied this bizarre metaphor, but I'm sure your imagination will figure it out in time. The point was to explain how the cervix changes in preparation for delivery.... Tonight only covered the early phase of labor (dilation to 4 cm), true labor vs. false labor, when to come to the hospital, what happens when you get there, the methods of delivery, and pain management.

I did learn a few comforting things whilst at our educational soiree....
1. The Army hospital does fewer cesarean sections than the national average. The nurse speculated that this was due to most mothers being younger and more active than the mothers delivering in civilian hospitals. But what it said to me was that the hospital doesn't do c-sections without a good reason. (insert great, big, giant sigh of relief here)

2. The anesthesiologist does epidurals for a majority of the births. I don't want an inexperienced anesthesiologist--do you?

3. The Post Partum unit employs more security than your average airport, thereby ensuring that babies don't go running off with the gypsies. I don't know that this is a problem, but it's nice to know that the Army isn't taking any chances with mislaid newborns. All infants are equipped with LoJack, and much like the one in your car, you'll be refunded for the cost of the LoJack should they fail to recover your stolen baby.

And then I heard a few more things I already knew...

After that it was time for "relaxation techniques". I could tell by then that Aaron's patience was starting to go--it was, after all, hour number 2. So whilst the rest of the class was relaaaaxing, I was trying not to laugh out loud at my goofy husband who was trying to impress me with his vast knowledge of barnyard animals: "A cow says moo". We're in for good times when this baby turns into a toddler.
Next week we get to watch a movie and do more relaxation...I just hope it's not Hidalgo, because I've seen that one already.