License Plates

Another story about life & culture shock in Oklahoma!
This one also has to do with my car.

I moved to Oklahoma from Arlington, Virginia (National Cemetery, Pentagon, 5 Metro stops from DC). Therefore, my car's license plates were issued by the state of Virginia...And due to expire during my stay in the Sooner state. So I figure, no big deal--I'll just get Oklahoma plates.
Well, in Virginia you get your license plates from the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Here is my first lesson: do not attempt to look up "Department of Motor Vehicles" in the phone book. Why, you ask? The answer is simple: THERE IS NO DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES in Oklahoma. Where then does one get new license plates for one's car? From a place called "The Tag Office". That's right--in Oklahoma, you don't get license plates you get "Car Tags".
So, armed with this new information, I returned to the phone book to search out the "Tag Office". I found the number, dialed it and had a conversation that went like this:
Lady #1: County Tag Office.
Me: Hi! I moved here from out-of-state and I was wondering what I needed to do to get new tags for my car.
Lady #1: Hold on.
Lady #2: County Tag Office.
Me: Hi! I moved here from out-of-state and I was wondering what I needed to do to get new tags for my car.
Lady #2: Hold on.
(On hold for 2 and a half minutes)
Lady # 2: County Tag Office.
Me: Moved here from out-of-state. Need new car tags. What do I need to do?
Lady #2: Bring your car and proof of insurance to the Tag Office.
Me: Thank you
Lady #2: (hangs up)

Sounds easy enough. I get into my car, double check to make sure that I have my proof of insurance, and drive over to the Tag Office. I walk in, wait in line until it is my turn. I approach the desk, plunk down my proof of insurance and this is what happens:
Me: Hi! I've got out-of-state car tags, and I need some Oklahoma ones.
Lady at the desk: You got a driver's license?
Me: Yes.
Lady at the desk: From Oklahoma?
Me: No...It's from Virginia.
Lady at the desk: Well I can't give you Oklahoma tags until you get an Oklahoma license.
Me: Ok, what do I need to do to get one?
Lady at the desk: Take the driver's license test. It's given twice a month at this retirement home.
Me: O-kay...thank you?

And I leave the Tag Office, without plates for my car, but very very confused. I relate this story to a coworker later in the week and she informs me that I have been duped! So I decide to call back to the Tag Office and ask again what I need to get Tags for my car:
Lady #1: County Tag Office.
Me: I need to get Oklahoma tags to replace my out-of-state tags, what do I need to do?
Lady #1: Hold on.
Lady #2: County Tag Office.
Me: I need to get Oklahoma tags to replace my out-of-state tags, what do I need to do?
Lady #2: Bring your car and proof of insurance down to the office.
Me: That's it? Because I was in there the other day and I was told that I had to have an Oklahoma driver's license in order to get Oklahoma tags.
Lady #2: You were? Well that's just wrong. Just bring your car and proof of insurance.
Me: Ok, thank you.

Once again, I travel across town to procure my license plates from the Tag Office, wait in line and then:

Lady at the desk: Can I help you?
Me: (presenting proof of insurance) I've got out-of-state tags, I need new ones.
Lady at the desk: Where's your title?
Me: Excuse me?
Lady at the desk: Your car title. Where is it?
Me: At the bank, I assume.
Lady at the desk: You still owe money on your car?
Me: Yes...
Lady at the desk: Well, we're gonna need your lien, so that the state can put their name on it.
Me: What?
Lady at the desk: The state puts their name on the lien. You got that with you?
Me: no...
Lady at the desk: Well, go get it.
Me: Do I need to bring anything else with me when I come back? Bank statements? Medical records?
Lady at the desk: No, just the lien.

My second lesson is this: when you call the Tag Office; do not believe what they tell you.

So I procure my lien, proof of insurance, drivers license, proof of residence, and social security card and return to the Tag Office. I wait in line, approach the desk, explain my situation again, provide all of the aforementioned documentation, and wouldn't you know it? The address of the bank isn't on the lien, so the lady at the desk tells me I'm going to have to come back with that. And I tell her that I have been to the tag office 3 times already and that if I have to go away and come back one more time, I'm going to pack up all of my stuff and move out of state because nothing should be this difficult. After a few cell phone calls, the bank address is procured and I receive my car tag. Which leads to the ultimate and final lesson:
If you're planning on moving to Oklahoma, prepare for blinding incompetence and pack valium.