Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Is this thing on?

Okay. Alright and fine.
After months of denial I'm admitting it.
I'm lonely.
Soooooooo lonely.
That's was the big benefit of a multi-generational household: there's always someone there to talk, or watch tv, or cook, or just sit quietly with you. Which isn't to say that Adrian hanging off of my body 2/3 of the time he's awake isn't companionship, it's just...
I came very late to the idea of girls-as-friends. Up until college I had three close girlfriends. All the rest of the people I spent my extra time with happened to be guys. And it's not 'cause I'm all into sports, or whatever--I happen to be a very specific kind of dork: the art-slash-theater variety of dork. And when I say theater, I don't mean acting--I'm a set-building, light-hanging, costumes-and-makeup kind of theater person. Because, let's be honest, I am a terrible actress. Seriously--I can't get past the fact that people are looking at me and it makes me self-conscious. By that token, most all of the back-stage crew in high school were boys, and I fit in well playing with power tools and hauling around heavy crap. But then I got to college and, first of all, the dorms are divided by sex, so that puts you in routine, close contact with other girls; and second of all I met a great number of like-minded really amazing women. And I miss them. Sure we talk on the phone and email, but that's nothing like the face-to-face, share a hunk of cake kind of companionship that you find when you see each other regularly.
Aaron's great, he's my best friend, I tell him everything and he makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt. But he's not a girl. He can't do girl-things with me, he won't go see girly movies (but I won't go see horror films so we're square), he can't help me color my hair or go shopping or talk about how sexy Heath Ledger is. (Those cheekbones, my god!)
So, yes. I'm lonely for some estrogen-related bonding time.
I have a spare bedroom and I'll cook you breakfast!


K said...

Ohh, honey... I can't come now, but I'll come this summer for sure.

Nessa said...


And additionally - Heath Ledger is UNGODLY sexy. Even, and perhaps especially, as a conflicted gay man.

*le sigh*

I'm right with you on that entire post, from the had no girlfriends as a kid bonded better with boys to the now desperate for female bonding.

WHY do you live in Chicago and WHEN are you moving closer????

erica said...

hey sis,
i'll be there in 3 days...i'll bring tons of chick flicks

Anonymous said...

My heart, it does the melting...I miss you, chica!

I feel strange, because my memories of you all (moonflower) were just that one year...and you kept on doing what you do without me...I hardly feel like I still know you, and I want to know you.


But I am not moving to Chicago.